Eulogy by Brother, Michael Kindred

I am Michael Kindred, Steve’s older brother by six years.  Ellen asked me to consult with our cousin Alice and say something about early formative influences on Steve.  Alice is here today and knows Steve well from both childhood contacts and many visits over the years.  Alice observed, “I think Steve’s parents had a very powerful influence on him. From his father Art, he learned politics and political action; from Carol he learned sweetness and concern for others. I really do believe he gained a social awareness from them that stayed with him all his life.” 

I concur with Alice on the centrality of Steve’s parents to his life.  I believe Steve merged our mother’s kindness toward others with our father’s firm advocacy of those principles in which he believed

to make one brave and good man.

Our mother Carol, was gifted in many ways; she was a musician, a Latin teacher, a minister’s wife and a friend.  She taught us all by her example that it was good to be gentle and kind. As Steve’s niece, my daughter Audrey, said “Carol Kindred understood and believed in the power of kindness.”  She regularly fed the itinerant and helped those in the church with the greatest need.  She visited the ill and aged at their homes and in nursing homes.

Similarly Steve ministered to some of the homeless of the Upper West Side. He affirmed their dignity by learning their names and listening to their stories, and when he could help, he did.  He would bring the dirty clothes of a neighborhood homeless man up to the apartment, wash them, and return them to the man clean and folded. Carol Kindred would share our admiration for this kindness.

I am proud that my daughters Jessica and Audrey, who spent so much time in their adult lives with Steve, absorbed and reciprocated his kindness.  Ellen witnessed and I am sure Steve  felt the reciprocation of his kindness and compassion in their frequent visits to Steve in the many weeks of his final illness.

There is another element to this concept of reciprocation, or balance.  Just as Ellen and Audrey and Jessica and so many others of you sat with Steve during those hard last weeks of his life, it was Steve who sat with our father and supported him in the last long days of his life.

Our father Art was smart, hardworking, athletic, and articulate. Every week he would prepare his sermon and we would watch as he delivered it on Sunday. Those sermons often addressed controversial social questions in a powerful way. Art opposed the Vietnam War and was dubious about our involvement in the Korean War.  He was a powerful advocate for civil rights in a largely “white” Iowa.  His frequent hosting of missionaries just returning from Asia and Africa expanded the world view of sheltered communities

I suspect that the drama of seeing our father move a crowd may well have induced in Steve his love of oration, and perhaps the dream of hearing himself orate, or perhaps even preach.  

I never did understand where Steve got the compulsion that seemed to make his ‘sermons’ go on and on, and I suspect that his inability to “wrap it up” may have made it difficult for some to sustain relationships with him. As Ellen has pointed out, Steve read at least as much as he talked. He was so curious about the world and so in love with ideas, he wanted to share his latest discovery with anyone who would listen.  I never ended one of my marathon calls with him without knowing more about something, be it politics, nature, or unions.

There is another vignette that illustrates the bonds of love and character that tied Steve and our father.  In the early 60s Steve was very involved in the controversial organization Students for a Democratic Society.  SDS wanted to have a national convention and could not find a suitable, welcoming venue.  Steve suggested the Clear Lake, Iowa, Methodist Camp, where Dad was on the Board.  There was substantial resistance from conservative Methodists, but Dad fought and the convention took place there.

I am proud that Steve took on big challenges in his life.  I am proud that he chose to marry such an extraordinary woman as Ellen and took such a caring role in helping to raise B.G.  I am pleased that my three children’s lives were enriched by their association with Steve.  How rich my life has been with Steve as my brother.